you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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