also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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