"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
