Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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