At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i now understand why vodka
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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