My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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