I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
COCAINE IS GR8
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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