Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
