How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize