My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
