recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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