i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
