ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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