don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
