Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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