Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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