I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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