Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
