genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
