I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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