By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
