i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
