Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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