you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
