Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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