I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These tits shall not be calmed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
