Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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