Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize