You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
