So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my being single is dangerous.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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