I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
