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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Watching her eat just hurts me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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