So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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