i need an iv and a liver transplant
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is Oprah even human
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
