well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
