Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
