chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
