Just fell off a train. Bad.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
