The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
