apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
