Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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