so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
