You just made me feel so damn special
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
