her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my phone needs a breathalizer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
