I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
