This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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