you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
