Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
