dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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