69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
