dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
