I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
be right there i have to get my cape
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
