The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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