I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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