On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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