I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
