I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
