i need an iv and a liver transplant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
