the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize