i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
