Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
