my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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