we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Small penises have feelings too.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
