he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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